Ren Elfchild

A small life update in bullet point format, written mostly by Ren. 
 

- The character I referred to as "S" in a previous essay has begun coalescing into a fictive proper. It happened really soon after I posted that essay, actually. He's still different from the rest of us, and we still think "a tree that grew in the middle of our headspace" is probably the best way to describe him. Or at least, the best way to describe how he started. But the tree seems to be... almost like a living, animistic fiction-based entity, not-a-person but capable of providing pathways for fictives-proper into our headspace, provided they share its life energy.

Whether it's exclusively S or a broader vampire collective of sorts, I can't really say at this point. But it's a tree and it's in the middle of our headspace and it's not really a person, despite being fundamentally connected to a person who lives with us now. It's weird! Not any weirder than me being both a doll and the demon possessing it, though :p so we're in the same boat, really.

- Speaking of dolls and demons. I (Ren) am dollkin and a demon! An incubus, specifically, which I've written a few access-locked posts about (and also discussed in depth on the Fictionkind Dreamwidth - I'm just not comfortable sharing details about my source, or some of the more 18+ elements of being a sex demon, in an entirely public post.)

- We've been doing a little bit of headspace exploring, inspired by the DWW's headspace adventures. It never occurred to me to include the Backrooms in our discussions about gateway systems... surely that counts! She (the Backrooms is a "she") seems to be accessible from anywhere in our headspace, such that I still haven't figured out how to visually denote her presence on any kind of headspace map. Oh well! I adore her and I find her very comforting to exist in. (Maybe that sounds weird, but I don't care. I'm sure I'll write about her in more depth eventually.)

- We're using PluralSpace pretty regularly now, and trying to be better about actually tracking fronts. It's been really helpful for figuring out who's best equipped to front in which situations, keeping track of all our in-sys relationships, and giving us a sense of mental organization that we didn't really have before. We've actually never done any system tracking at all prior to this, but now that there's seven of us, it feels necessary.

- I'm not our main host anymore! One of my headmates, a fictive who will remain unnamed in public spaces for now, is trying on that role and seeing if it works for her. Our current setup is her as host, with me and another headmate who works really well with her as co-hosts who provide advice and support. I am horrifically exhausted after being our sole host and primary fronter during Events that I won't get too into, including but not limited to surgery.

Now, though, I can just putter around doing my domestic chores and talking to my friends and cuddling [DATA EXPUNGED] to help recharge her batteries after she's done interfacing with the outside world for the day. I prefer to be more of a maid than a host, really. 

- We've come out to our therapist and two of our friends as plural recently-ish, and it went super well! I'm so relieved. That was largely a [DATA EXPUNGED] joint as well, because she's the least concerned out of all of us about what people will think. 

- We attended Othercon, decided we were too tired to attend HowlCon, found out we'd get to pester Goratrix live at HowlCon, and changed our minds and went anyway :p it was great, I'm really glad we did. I'm used to just doing nothing because I'm in too much pain, but surgery means I can push outside of my comfort zone to a degree that used to be really damaging and just kind of bounce back after resting for a couple of days. 

A meditation on Hyakinthos, Apollon, death & rebirth.

This is a really, really old piece, and one of my favorite things I've ever written. I haven't posted much about Hellenic Polytheism here recently, or the pre-Hellenic stuff I was tentatively poking around in, because I realized I really needed to have a fallow period after being so obsessively fixated on those relationships while I was sick. But I've been giving a lot of thought to my feelings about predation and food and death lately, and it brought this piece of writing to mind again. 

CW: animal death, obviously.

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CW: Surgery discussion (non-specific)

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I've been thinking about escapism a lot lately.

"Don't use your religion as escapism" is a commonly touted (and perfectly reasonable) rule of thumb, and often Pop Culture Paganism (or even niche practices within established faiths, like God-marriage) is seen as inherently escapist. Clearly you're escaping from the real world by having vicarious adventures with your imaginary friends, right? And the same goes for fictionkind identity - supposedly.

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Something I've held onto from Minbar is the idea that "we are the Universe trying to understand itself."

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Here's one of the most distressing sentiments I hear on a regular basis from newcomers to Pop Culture Paganism: I guess I should probably stop writing/reading fanfic of these characters if I'm going to work with them as spirits.

Everyone's going to have a different perspective on these things, of course, but personally, I feel like that goes against the entire ethos of PCP. If you think back to what got you interested in this form of Paganism in the first place, it's probably the organic connection you formed with a piece of fiction through normal fan activities. If you cut yourself off from the source of your inspiration, what is your practice going to consist of?

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CW: discussion of death and transphobia

As a human, I can die much more easily than I could've as an Elf. This is an inescapable fact.

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